the intersection of life and grace

Shhh… this is a sneak peak of one of the videos from Youth Specialties upcoming National Youth Workers Conventions. I’ve watched it a few times already because, well, it managed to collect the range of feelings and even hit some common issues a great many youth workers face all year long… in under 2.5 minutes.

Take a look:

I look forward to youth ministry conventions all year long. I’ve had the privilege to attend both the YS and SYM/Group gatherings, which are both great quality, distinct events that I hope all youth workers have the opportunity to experience. In the coming days, I’ll share some of the reasons why I think conventions are important to a youth workers’ annual schedule.

A long while ago, Adam and I used to have fun putting together the  YMX podcast. Until a short time ago, I didn’t realize how much I missed it! Thanks to some great youth workers who podcast regularly for the youth ministry community, I had the great fun of participating in their programs as a guest.

The first reminder was in October with Tim Schmoyer, who hosts YMTalk at his website Life in Student Ministry. I was invited to talk about being a woman in youth ministry. You can click here to visit the page for that episode.

Then, last week, I was invited to chat with Josh Cook and Joel Diaz, two of the hosts of the YouthHacks podcast. We talked about ministry transitions, the National Youthworkers Conventions coming up in the Fall, and the newly redesigned youthspecialties.com. Again, had a great time. You can head over to the YouthHacks page to take a listen to the show.

None of these folks get rich podcasting, it’s something they do to benefit other youth workers in addition to their own full-time ministries. Support them with a listen (there are loads of episodes archived at their respective sites), subscribe if you like what you hear. Thanks to them for being a fun, free resource.

I haven’t been a good blogger over the course of the past year or so. I’m not going to apologize, though. The events and circumstances that influenced the infrequency are good ones, and I hope in similar you would also drop a hobby for the stuff of life that matters most. After a while of foregoing blogging, however, it’s become something of a quandry how get started once again. So here I am, making this somewhat personal post, shyly hoping to restart my relationship with this medium. Hello, old friend. Hello, also, to anyone who is still subscribed; I’m not sure why you are, but I hope we can have some conversations around the place again.

It’s Good Friday. It’s silent in my house, for the moment – an ever so rare moment. I’m listening to this lack of familiar sounds, and considering my relationship with Jesus in the every day and the extraordinary. I’m a person who actively seeks to find places where ordinary life and God’s grace intersect. I’ve even named this blog according to that pursuit. However, that doesn’t mean I’m always successful at finding those places. I want to be better at it. It’s easier to find grace in the extraordinary sometimes.

A few things on my personal/vocational radar lately:

• I’m still praying for a way to open for me to go to Haiti, as I wrote in my last post. There are some health considerations for me to be successful at serving in such a tropical place, so I’m praying fervently while looking for the opportunity God has for me, whenever and wherever that might come about. I read this post last night, and dreamt about it. Three dreams about serving mothers and children in Haiti. Way will open.
• I’m loving where God has led me in ministry. Right now I’m serving both directly with students through a small group of older high school and college girls at my church, and as a part of the Schenectady City Life team in Hamilton Hill. In both instances, I feel like I’ve come home. In addition, I’m receiving more speaking requests for camp and conferences, which I always enjoy. I’m especially looking forward to my return engagement at TIMS (Teens in Missionary Service), a Central Pennsylvania work camp/summer camp with a missions emphasis, coming up in July. I’ll be speaking in the evening sessions during the week of July 25-31.
• Alongside the ministry opportunities above, I’m being blessed with growth in my own ministry-related consulting business.  I have gotten to work on some fantastic projects, like Simply Youth Ministry’s LIVE curriculum, as well as on-going content development work with Youth Specialties.com. I’m enjoying coaching a few fantastic youth workers in reaching some personal and professional goals [use the contact form here to inquire], and have recently become part of the Life in Student Ministry Mentorship team. Enjoying every minute of it.

That’s a good start at getting reacquainted here. Ask me questions. Comment some topics you’d like to see me address. Let’s look for grace together.

I’m completely thrilled to be able to share this news with you. Like 99.99999% of the youth working world, I’ve watched changes happen at Youth Specialties over the past year with interest in where it would all settle. The video below is an instant addition to the YS classic list, and the details are in the text below. Though change can be difficult, I’m grateful this pillar of youth ministry training and resourcing is changing to serve us more effectively. Check it out:

From Youth Specialties:

The past 12 months at Youth Specialties have been crazy, filled with way too many changes. The good news is that—whew—things are finally settling down and exciting developments are on the horizon!

Now—appropriately—you are asking, “What’s next?” We’ve heard you and we’re excited to share the latest news.

Youth Specialties is now a part of YouthWorks! On December 16, YouthWorks finalized the acquisition of Youth Specialties from Zondervan. What does this mean? YouthWorks purchased the Youth Specialties brand—all the events, the websites, the stationery and even the truck that is used to pick up the mail. Zondervan will continue to operate the publishing division of Youth Specialties. In one form or another, Zondervan has been publishing Youth Specialties’ stuff for more than 30 years, so we’re excited to see that relationship continue.

On the same day YouthWorks purchased Youth Specialties, some staffing changes were made. This was by far the most difficult aspect of the transition, but you can be confident that it was managed with great compassion, care and dignity.

Over the holiday period, a lot of the transition work began. After 40 years of operating as a for-profit business, Youth Specialties is now part of a non-profit ministry. This will certainly shape how we operate and how we serve you, but we’re convinced that this will allow us to be even more effective in providing training, resources and encouragement.

Also during this time, we’ve come to know the YouthWorks team and we’ve seen that God’s hand has been shaping this relationship for a long time. YouthWorks’ purpose is “to help the Church be the Church” by providing life-changing, Christ-centered resources for ministry—it’s the Youth Specialties purpose as well.  God has found a great home for our ministry!

What will Youth Specialties do now? The short and simple answer is that Youth Specialties will do what it’s done since it was founded. With our full focus on serving youth workers and the church, we will continue to provide world-class events, training opportunities and resources.

He’s back—Tic Long has returned to Youth Specialties! In the early years of the Youth Specialties ministry, Wayne Rice and Mike Yaconelli hired Tic Long. For more than 30 years Tic helped lead Youth Specialties and helped pioneer much of who and what the ministry is today. Tic’s return as Executive Director of Youth Specialties is effective immediately. Most importantly, Tic has been tasked with leading Youth Specialties forward. His wealth of knowledge and expertise in the arena of youth ministry and his personal passion and love for youth workers will serve as a solid foundation in the growth and success of Youth Specialties.

Finally, thank you for standing beside us during these past months. Your prayers and words of encouragement have been a blessing to both the Youth Specialties and the YouthWorks teams. We look forward to the next 40 years of ministry and the opportunity to grow the Kingdom by serving the world’s youth workers who are impacting the next generation of Christians.

If I had to describe the main stage speakers (so far) with just two words, I would use these: Interesting intersections.

I could leave it right there, and I’m tempted to do just that. But, that wouldn’t make for very good reading for anyone else, would it? What follows is some preliminary processing around those words, interesting intersections.

Tony Campolo spoke to us about the theology of time, reminding me that we serve a God who is omnipresent, who was and is in our past, present and future simultaneously, eternally.  In every moment that ever has or will be, we intersect with God.

Donald Miller spoke to us about the process of story, and touched on the idea that we are in the middle of the narrative about conflict and God’s redemption of the world. Our stories intersect with others’ stories. Tell a hopeful story.

Three teenagers – Zach Hunter, Jordan Foxworthy, and Jaime Coleman – talked about what happened to them when their lives met other, very different, lives and their response to that encounter. When our stories intersect there is an opportunity to make a difference. Create intersections to allow responses.

Liz Murray appeared on the stage and shared what happened when her tumultuous life met another and was altered incalculably.  Intersections can be course altering. Be there for them.

This blog has always had the subtitle At the Intersection of Life and Grace because I want to observe, and participate in, what happens at these places of interesting intersection between lives and stories.  I’m fascinated by them, I am who I am because of intersections just like them.

Here’s a bit of my review of Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, published at Youth Ministry Exchange:

The central question of long-time youth minister and youth ministry consultant Mark Riddle’s book Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors – A Church Leader’s Guide to Staffing and Leading Youth Pastors asks “Why does your church want to hire a youth pastor?”  Touching on issues of community, leadership, communication, mentoring, and the value of youth in the church, Inside the Mind is foremost a tool for the local church to use in discerning how to build sustainable ministry to youth.

Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors is divided into two sections, the first of which, “Staffing for Youth Ministry”, directly addresses the questions surrounding the choice and reasons to hire a youth pastor.  This includes asking who should be involved in the process, what about the church culture needs to be taken into consideration (and potentially changed), and is addressed to both church leadership and congregations when discussing hiring a staff youth minister.  

Read the rest by clicking here.

I recently had the opportunity to read Mark Riddle’s new book, Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors.  Mark is a consultant for churches who are looking to staff for youth ministry as a part of the larger vision for their community and ministry – a holistic approach, you might call it.  The book is a good look into the hard questions churches would want to ask about youth ministry in their context, and goes on to give insight into how a healthy staff relationship between a senior pastor and a youth pastor might look.  

One of the “big ideas” that struck me from Inside the Mind was Mark’s brief discussion of the optimal age of a youth pastor.  You can see that previous discussion here.

After I read the book, I had the opportunity to send several questions to Mark, which he has answered, and I’ve posted below.  My questions are in italics, Mark’s answers are indented. We invite your discussion.

Even though the book is called Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, you spend considerable time making the case for getting inside the mind of congregations, pastors and leadership, parents and communities.  While that could have made for an incredibly cumbersome title, can you talk a bit about the essential nature of honest and open communication among all those parties in the process of establishing a sustainable youth ministry? 

Too many times people in the church, whether they be paid or not, live with assumptions about the roles we play in the church family.  We assume people think like we do, believe what we believe and value what we value.  Parents assume things about you as a youth pastor based on their experiences with youth pastors in their past. They often interpret you through the lens of their past experiences. Youth pastors do this with others as well.  Dialogue is the fundamental way in which we see people differently. Dialogue is how we extricate ourselves from the past and create an environment in which transformation can occur.  I talk about this a bit in the chapter on assumptions and inference, but it’s really through out the book.  I didn’t want to put myself in a place where I was speaking on behalf of youth pastors, or senior pastor, so I included questions at the end of each chapter to help encourage conversation with the various people you mention here.  The future of staffing within the church will be lead by those who understand the dynamics of dialogue and practice them everyday.

There are likely churches which have never considered some of the questions you raise in the first section of the book.  How would you encourage a pastor or congregation that it is worth the investment of time and energy to work through the process?  

In the first section of the book I talk about the need to seriously think about why you have a youth ministry, and how unhealthy it is to put a youth pastor at the center of the youth ministry of a church.  There’s always a temptation for me to try to convince church leaders that they need to change, but that is my issue not theirs.  I’m way more interested in working with a church leader who reads the book and says, “You’ve been reading my mail.” Or “We’ve hired youth pastors for the wrong reasons and we’re ready to change.”  That’s an exciting moment because a church leader has come to some conclusions on their own.  I personally don’t find much value in trying to convince or persuade a church leader of the need to change because the change is hard work.  If I can persuade you this afternoon that you need change, when the work starts it will persuade you that it’s not worth the effort.   As a result, people generally find me when they want to change.  Of course all of this talk is easy for me as I sit outside the situation. It’s much different for the youth pastor inside.  But this points more to the question of long-term sustainable dialogue with church leaders.  Hopefully the book will help some youth pastors and senior pastors make some break throughs.  It’s why I wrote the book. I felt like 80% of what the seminars talk about at the National Youth conventions tell youth pastors to do is not possible, because the church leaders aren’t included in the conversation.  But when it comes down to it, the church leader has to make the decision that they want a healthy youth ministry.

Following up on that, do you believe that “the average” congregation can successfully accomplish the process without an objective moderator, whether a consultant or another caring, but non-partisan person?

Such an interesting question. First I’d say that having a third party is very helpful, I’ve seen the benefits of it first hand. I’ll say that there are no objective third parties.  Everyone comes with a history, a perspective, a set of values  etc. The job of a consultant is to understand their biases and to the degree they can, set them aside so that they can truly listen, but also bring them to the table when the situation warrants.  There is something very helpful to a community to have someone who is differentiated enough to say what they see is really going on and give insights that can church leaders can engage so they can make things better.  Is it possible without someone from the outside?  I’m optimistic.

You touched on the concept of the elongation of adolescence and how that might impact establishing a healthy youth ministry by encouraging hiring “older” (25+) youth pastors.  I could hear screams from Bible college and Christian college youth ministry departments from coast to coast as I read that.  How do you think that 2-3 years between graduation at age 22-23 could constructively be spent by those who sense a vocational calling to ministry with students and families?  

I’m not going to write a prescription for late adolescent involvement, but I’ll say that putting a 20-25 year old person in charge, especially in what I call a Church A model is often destructive for the church they lead in AND maybe more often in the lives of the person in leadership.  There are always exceptions. A 20-25 year old person has a lot to offer the church and a lot to learn.  Leadership depends often on wisdom and wisdom comes from experience.  So late adolescents should be involved in youth ministry, in every way shape and form. They should have incite into the politics of the church and the tough decisions leaders make. But in my opinion they don’t need to be in charge of the spiritual formation of a communities teenagers and their parents.  I’ve yet to find anyone over 30 who disagrees with me on this issue. 

As I read, there were a number of moments where I saw my own youth ministry experiences, both good and difficult, reflected in the stories you shared. There is encouragement in knowing that there is shared experience, sadness in knowing there is shared pain and frustration.  One place I see in the book that will have some common “ah ha” for all parties to a conversation about youth ministry is the section about the Ladder of Inference, and the effects of our filling in the blanks with faulty assumptions.  As you’re aiding churches in this process, do you find exploring that area of communication to be a place of transformational opportunity? 

I appreciate your encouragement. I’m glad the stories in the book seemed to be telling your story in some way.  The Ladder of Inference is an amazing tool developed by Chris Argyris.  “Climbing the ladder” has become an important part of the conversation among leaders in church I work with.  Because it helps us pause before we leap to assumptions about others, their motives and their character.  It’s also helpful to help church leaders unpack their past experiences and begin to truly see the people in front of them.  

The section on teamwork, loyalty and looking out for each other would seem to be important for both small and large church staffs.  Since there are a great many more small church staffs, 2-3 people where each person’s job description drips with “additional duties as assigned” ink, would you talk a bit about what healthy team work looks like in those situations?  

A great team believes the best about each other. They regularly engage in conflict and it makes them appreciate each other better and thus brings them together.  They embody trust.  They see each member as inherently valuable with something unique to add to the solution. Great teams cover for each other as well. They willingly absorb a complaint about another staff person and apologize as if they themselves where the person who wronged the individual. They speak encouraging words about other team members to others and they speak the truth when it needs to be said, in the right setting. 

What do you hope would happen if a church with a youth pastor on staff already works through Inside the Mind together with the appropriate leadership and come to the conclusion that they’re not the right fit?  Not that they’re bad people, or ungifted… simply not the right fit in significant areas the process considers?  

If a community moves from Church A to Church B with a youth pastor on staff it’s difficult to image a scenario in which it wouldn’t work.  Church B allows the youth pastor to be themselves more than Church A does.  In fact Church B empowers a youth pastor to do what they are good at, but it empowers the congregation to own all of the ministry.  Of course there are people who don’t fit into Church B.  You are probably not a fit as a staff person for Church B if you can’t work with adults at all, or feel you must hold all the power yourself.  If you feel that you have nothing to learn, or that you don’t want input from others then you will struggle with leading in Church B as well.  Certainly they aren’t bad people, but not great fits for the process I talk about in Inside the Mind.  Frankly I personally wouldn’t hire those folks for any kind of church leadership though. But that’s just me.

For clarity though, Church B means that all of the youth ministry is owned by the congregation. So in churches I’ve personally worked with that implement the process, the church owns every detail, from bulletin announcements, reserving transportation for a trip, event planning, programming, relational ministry etc. It’s all owned by the church.  The youth pastor gets to be with God and be with people and do what they are good at. So if a youth pastor is a gifted speaker, let them speak. Etc.

Thanks for asking such great questions Patti!

Thanks for writing a book to help the church think differently about youth ministry, Mark!

I want to get my youth ministry and church leadership audience to chime in on something, if you will. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading Mark Riddle‘s new book Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors: A Church Leader’s Guide to Staffing and Leading Youth Pastors. I’m writing a review of the book for YMX, and Mark has graciously agreed to answer a slew of questions I sent him and make this humble blog a stop on his blog book tour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about one of the book’s shortest chapters (12), which addresses the elongation of adolescence and the resulting effect that should have on youth pastor hiring decisions. I asked Mark about it so we will eventually hear his input on this question when the blog tour interview appears.

Let me set the stage a bit. Mark, in Inside the Mind, cites research by Dr. Jeffery Arnett (Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from Late Teens through the Twenties) which makes a compelling case that, developmentally, the years from 18 to 25 should be considered late adolescence. The characteristics of this developmental stage, Mark argues, should be carefully considered in choosing to hire someone from this cohort as a spiritual leader for those in earlier stages of adolescence.

From Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, Ch 12, p 82:

If, however, you choose to hire an emerging adult to lead your youth ministry, you must give significant attention to mentoring that person in leadership and discipleship.  Teenagers need their youth pastors to have a strong sense of who they are, based on life experiences.  They need youth pastors who have a sense of stability in their identities.

Certainly there are men and women in their early to mid-20s who fit the bill, but they are few and far between.  Church leaders need to dispel the myth that younger is better for youth ministry leadership.  It’s simply not true.  In fact, entrusting spiritual leadership of your teenage children to someone who’s still working through the five characteristics [of late adolescence] listed earlier [in the chapter] is irresponsible.

While there is a lot of that which makes good sense to me – considering that car insurance and rental companies have considered this age group less capable of responsible decision-making and judgment in general, and have run their businesses accordingly for, well, ever.  That doesn’t change the fact that the vast majority of youth pastors/minister/directors I have ever had contact with got their start in youth ministry as volunteers or staff as young adults in their early 20s.

So, I’m wondering what you think about this.  And, if you agree, what are your constructive ideas for ways to bridge the time from the end of college to age 25 for those who have earned ministry degrees, but are not yet “adults” by this developmental measure?

Yes, it was fun to watch live.

As I mentioned earlier, the live blogging gig was intense.  It was a lot of fun, but I paid attention to the session speakers in a different way that I would otherwise have.  One thing I did notice, however, was something God was doing through the people who independently listened for what the Spirit was saying to the Church, more specifically to her youth workers, and brought what I believe to be a prophetic message of gospel authenticity as one might display the facets of a jewel.  Or, maybe, a 15-foot disco ball sending The Light into every corner, every relationship, every conversation.

None of the general session speakers brought “fluff” – each came with a passion for Jesus and for sharing insight into a more authentic relationship with Him.  However, several brought messages that ought to be game-changing for the Church.

Soong-Chan Rah rocked the room’s perception of cultural and institutional racism and what the church might “do” with that.  I know this was a challenge for many to hear, especially on the verge of an historic election wherein race and gender were part.  In fact, an Asian-Irish-American comedian who appeared on that stage the following morning was dumbfounded by the lack of laughter at his poking fun at his own heritage and family.  Clearly, people heard Dr. Rah’s message.

Andrew Marin stood before a room full of mainly white evangelicals and spoke heroically of elevating the conversation between the Church and the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered community.  He repeated again and again his firm belief that the Bible is “the inerrant Word of God” while articulating in language largely unknown how all have sinned, how judgment is God’s and loving our neighbor is ours, and how those who have been cast out need Jesus too.  I also attended Andrew’s seminar about answering the most common questions same-sex attracted people, who are justifiably jaded by their community’s treatment at the hands of Christians, will ask of a believer willing to have the conversation.  Keeping those out of the realm of yes/no answers is the absolute key to changing the tide, and Andrew ably demonstrated how to do so without a single bit of compromise.  He wants to turn the ship away from certain disaster to a life-giving conversation.  Truly inspiring.  I had some time to sit with Andrew, and am in process of putting together an article for YMX to appear before the end of the year.  So, more on that in the future.

Francis Chan tackled us with a big pile of saltless salt, challenging the perception that more is better or more effective.  A new, and more authentic, message that “numbers aren’t everything” – but one that could be heard and applied right now.  One quote that hit me, “If you can’t make disciples, go make a big pile of Christians.” Ouch.  His scriptural point blew me away, using the account of Elijah and the prophets of Baal, and concluding, “I want people to walk away saying the Lord is God” (like the prophets of Baal did) “not that was a great message.” Total gut (or heart) motivation check.

Phyllis Tickle simply blew me away with a tsunami of information.  Her noteless presentation of 2000 years of church history, documenting the significant events in cultures that brought shifts in the life of the Church… astounding.  I’m going to have to read her book to do the talk justice!  It was precise, concise, relevant, and an important reminder of two things: 1. history repeats, 2. we need to look at the big picture.  And, the lady is just really funny, totally unpretentious, and really, really smart.  Her book, The Great Emergence, is waiting for me.

And, chronologically last, an amazing confession from Marko (Mark Oestreicher) that the Lord so disturbed him that he scrapped the talk he had planned, reworked from the earlier venue of the NYWC, and addressed this thread of authenticity in life and ministry that had been drawn throughout the weekend.  It was an amazing and raw talk that articulated a new intersection for ministry, that isn’t really new at all.  Ministry happens at the intersection of communion and mission.  He went on to give the characteristics of that intersection, that the intersection of communion and mission is small, slow, simple, present, fluid and Jesusy.  The quote that stuck with me? “You absolutely have everything you need to be wildly successful in youth ministry and the stuff you though you needed is an absolute deterrent to ministry.”  There was lots in this reletively short talk, including the world premiere of the text of an as-yet unpublished children’s story that Marko and his 10-year-old son, Max, wrote together… like it was tailor made for this very talk.  I hope someday to possess a copy of that beautiful parable of relationship, a story about learning, about learning together, and learning to live into our given abilities to be our whole selves.

If you’re interested, any of the general session talks, and a huge number of seminars, are available for download, and can be purchased at http://www.ysmp3andcddvd.com/store.