the intersection of life and grace

Following months of deliberation by the Federal Trade Commission and rumors throughout the social media marketing world, the FTC this week released it’s “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising” to much buzz.  And, a little panic, I think, for bloggers, twitterers and facebookers who like to talk about their favorite goods and services, wondering what this all might mean for them.

It’s an 81-page document, in rather complex legal-governmental language.  You can read it by clicking here if you like [opens PDF document in a new window].

First, because I’ve fielded a few questions about this from the reviewers I work with on content for clients, I want to define what the new regulations say about bloggers – as I understand it. Disclaimer:  I’m not a lawyer, this isn’t legal advice, and if I learn something new about it, I’ll update this post.

Disclosure

If a company gives you product or money or any other kind of award or compensation in return for your posting about them or their product on your blog, Twitter, Facebook, or any other social networking site, you (the blogger) need to say so clearly.  The consequence for not doing so includes potentially hefty fines, but the report does not delineate what to expect for certain infractions, nor how specifically it will be enforced.

Now, if you review books, resources or music for another outlet, such as YMX, and repost your work on your blog with link attribution (as that site has permitted), you need only be clear that you were given the resource to review for that outlet.  It is pretty clear that product is given to media outlets to review, and you’re (in the case of YMX) reprinting with permission with link attribution.  If you link to your work on another commercial site from your  personal Twitter/Facebook, etc, it seems clear to me that you got something in return for the work (product or  some other consideration).

If you are an affiliate marketer – say for amazon, or referral link prizes, and the like – you need to say so under these new rules.  If you make money on it, you need to say so more clearly than ever.  Here is a good overview of the new guidelines from the corporate marketing point of view.

About this blog

Most reviews on this blog are reprints of my work for hire, primarily at YS/YMX. Those include links back to the original publication page.

A few times publishers or companies have given me books to review, or something to give away. While it was clear enough at the time, I will be more specific about that going forward.  I have never been paid cash for any post on this blog, or anything I’ve posted on my personal social networking accounts.  I intend to add a disclosure page to this blog to acknowledge affiliate relationships so there is no confusion.

All very formal, but I have no problem disclosing this if it prevents confusion on the part of others. Clarity is good, and assuring readers that my thoughts and opinions are my own even if I got a free book is something I’m happy to do.  It’s necessary to help people who research purchases on the internet tell the difference between advertising and customer opinion, because the line had become blurry. Ethics are important.

Now, if we could just get the same kind of clear public disclosure from politicians and lobbyists, I’d be thrilled.

As a woman with all the challenges of family and working life, I selected this book from the Thomas Nelson Book Review Bloggers program out of curiosity. I also brought a healthy dose of skepticism to a book about increasing success in women’s lives written by a man.

Being somewhat familiar with Buckingham’s work via other books and a recent experience hearing him speak at Shift prepared me for his upbeat, research-based approach and conversational style. “Find Your Strongest Life” begins with an analysis of extensive research about both men’s and women’s happiness which explains that women’s sense of happiness has declined steadily even as more and more choices became open to us. The opening dispels the popular quote of the feminist movement which says “You can have it all” and continues to provide the means for introspection by which an imbalanced, but full, life takes the place of striving for the impossible.

“Find Your Strongest Life” examines the elements and feelings Buckingham’s research has shown to be the key feelings, or SIGNS of a strong life. Each chapter explores means by which women may discern their strengths in different areas of life and put them into play by overcoming myths and misconceptions that may be standing in the way. It does not make promises of wealth or fame or quick-fixes, but it does offer information and questions to guide you toward self-revelation.

I found the self-examination useful, and can see why Buckingham has gained popularity from his books and workshops. If you are in a place of dissatisfaction with life, this book would be a useful method for discovering why and what life changes may put you on track to being more satisfied, and more happy with the life you choose.

It is no simple task to write simply about the Holy Spirit. There is, perhaps, no other theological subject that creates more difficulty, disagreement and discomfort among the followers of Jesus Christ.  In Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit, Francis Chan challenges readers to set aside those trappings and look carefully at what the scriptures say (not what we’ve been assuming they say) about the person of God, the Holy Spirit.

Chan writes:

Reading this book probably won’t be easy. No matter what tradition you come from, you likely carry baggage and harbor stereotypes when it comes to the Holy Spirit.  It’s going to require laying aside your baggage and stereotypes so you can be open to what God is trying to teach you.  Are you willing to do that?

If you have read Chan’s first book, Crazy Love, it will be no surprise to you what happens within the covers of Forgotten God. The theological framework of the Holy Spirit, once laid bare in Chan’s honest, truthful wondering, turns to what more God in the gift of the Holy Spirit could intend for his followers and for his church. Once the outward assumptions have been challenged, Chan firmly puts his arm about the shoulder of the reader, guiding us to look inward to discern what obstacles we ourselves are putting in the way of the Holy Spirit’s work, leading, will – his transforming power leading those who believe.

What Crazy Love does to challenge Christians to rise out of comfortable and lukewarm faith, Forgotten God does to upend Christians’ agenda for keeping the Holy Spirit tame and in-check.  Throughout the book’s 7 chapters, I found myself making frequent stops to, literally, do a double-take, re-reading a paragraph or point, diving for my bible or journal to dig deeper. (You can read a sample chapter here.)

Ultimately, I left Forgotten God with more desire, and more places exposed (and more excavation to do).  This is not a spiritual self-help book, it is a ‘discover more about God’ book that, if approached honestly and openly, will result in a deeper understanding, a deeper relationship with God the Holy Spirit.  Are you ready for that?

Here’s a bit of my review of Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, published at Youth Ministry Exchange:

The central question of long-time youth minister and youth ministry consultant Mark Riddle’s book Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors – A Church Leader’s Guide to Staffing and Leading Youth Pastors asks “Why does your church want to hire a youth pastor?”  Touching on issues of community, leadership, communication, mentoring, and the value of youth in the church, Inside the Mind is foremost a tool for the local church to use in discerning how to build sustainable ministry to youth.

Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors is divided into two sections, the first of which, “Staffing for Youth Ministry”, directly addresses the questions surrounding the choice and reasons to hire a youth pastor.  This includes asking who should be involved in the process, what about the church culture needs to be taken into consideration (and potentially changed), and is addressed to both church leadership and congregations when discussing hiring a staff youth minister.  

Read the rest by clicking here.

I recently had the opportunity to read Mark Riddle’s new book, Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors.  Mark is a consultant for churches who are looking to staff for youth ministry as a part of the larger vision for their community and ministry – a holistic approach, you might call it.  The book is a good look into the hard questions churches would want to ask about youth ministry in their context, and goes on to give insight into how a healthy staff relationship between a senior pastor and a youth pastor might look.  

One of the “big ideas” that struck me from Inside the Mind was Mark’s brief discussion of the optimal age of a youth pastor.  You can see that previous discussion here.

After I read the book, I had the opportunity to send several questions to Mark, which he has answered, and I’ve posted below.  My questions are in italics, Mark’s answers are indented. We invite your discussion.

Even though the book is called Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, you spend considerable time making the case for getting inside the mind of congregations, pastors and leadership, parents and communities.  While that could have made for an incredibly cumbersome title, can you talk a bit about the essential nature of honest and open communication among all those parties in the process of establishing a sustainable youth ministry? 

Too many times people in the church, whether they be paid or not, live with assumptions about the roles we play in the church family.  We assume people think like we do, believe what we believe and value what we value.  Parents assume things about you as a youth pastor based on their experiences with youth pastors in their past. They often interpret you through the lens of their past experiences. Youth pastors do this with others as well.  Dialogue is the fundamental way in which we see people differently. Dialogue is how we extricate ourselves from the past and create an environment in which transformation can occur.  I talk about this a bit in the chapter on assumptions and inference, but it’s really through out the book.  I didn’t want to put myself in a place where I was speaking on behalf of youth pastors, or senior pastor, so I included questions at the end of each chapter to help encourage conversation with the various people you mention here.  The future of staffing within the church will be lead by those who understand the dynamics of dialogue and practice them everyday.

There are likely churches which have never considered some of the questions you raise in the first section of the book.  How would you encourage a pastor or congregation that it is worth the investment of time and energy to work through the process?  

In the first section of the book I talk about the need to seriously think about why you have a youth ministry, and how unhealthy it is to put a youth pastor at the center of the youth ministry of a church.  There’s always a temptation for me to try to convince church leaders that they need to change, but that is my issue not theirs.  I’m way more interested in working with a church leader who reads the book and says, “You’ve been reading my mail.” Or “We’ve hired youth pastors for the wrong reasons and we’re ready to change.”  That’s an exciting moment because a church leader has come to some conclusions on their own.  I personally don’t find much value in trying to convince or persuade a church leader of the need to change because the change is hard work.  If I can persuade you this afternoon that you need change, when the work starts it will persuade you that it’s not worth the effort.   As a result, people generally find me when they want to change.  Of course all of this talk is easy for me as I sit outside the situation. It’s much different for the youth pastor inside.  But this points more to the question of long-term sustainable dialogue with church leaders.  Hopefully the book will help some youth pastors and senior pastors make some break throughs.  It’s why I wrote the book. I felt like 80% of what the seminars talk about at the National Youth conventions tell youth pastors to do is not possible, because the church leaders aren’t included in the conversation.  But when it comes down to it, the church leader has to make the decision that they want a healthy youth ministry.

Following up on that, do you believe that “the average” congregation can successfully accomplish the process without an objective moderator, whether a consultant or another caring, but non-partisan person?

Such an interesting question. First I’d say that having a third party is very helpful, I’ve seen the benefits of it first hand. I’ll say that there are no objective third parties.  Everyone comes with a history, a perspective, a set of values  etc. The job of a consultant is to understand their biases and to the degree they can, set them aside so that they can truly listen, but also bring them to the table when the situation warrants.  There is something very helpful to a community to have someone who is differentiated enough to say what they see is really going on and give insights that can church leaders can engage so they can make things better.  Is it possible without someone from the outside?  I’m optimistic.

You touched on the concept of the elongation of adolescence and how that might impact establishing a healthy youth ministry by encouraging hiring “older” (25+) youth pastors.  I could hear screams from Bible college and Christian college youth ministry departments from coast to coast as I read that.  How do you think that 2-3 years between graduation at age 22-23 could constructively be spent by those who sense a vocational calling to ministry with students and families?  

I’m not going to write a prescription for late adolescent involvement, but I’ll say that putting a 20-25 year old person in charge, especially in what I call a Church A model is often destructive for the church they lead in AND maybe more often in the lives of the person in leadership.  There are always exceptions. A 20-25 year old person has a lot to offer the church and a lot to learn.  Leadership depends often on wisdom and wisdom comes from experience.  So late adolescents should be involved in youth ministry, in every way shape and form. They should have incite into the politics of the church and the tough decisions leaders make. But in my opinion they don’t need to be in charge of the spiritual formation of a communities teenagers and their parents.  I’ve yet to find anyone over 30 who disagrees with me on this issue. 

As I read, there were a number of moments where I saw my own youth ministry experiences, both good and difficult, reflected in the stories you shared. There is encouragement in knowing that there is shared experience, sadness in knowing there is shared pain and frustration.  One place I see in the book that will have some common “ah ha” for all parties to a conversation about youth ministry is the section about the Ladder of Inference, and the effects of our filling in the blanks with faulty assumptions.  As you’re aiding churches in this process, do you find exploring that area of communication to be a place of transformational opportunity? 

I appreciate your encouragement. I’m glad the stories in the book seemed to be telling your story in some way.  The Ladder of Inference is an amazing tool developed by Chris Argyris.  “Climbing the ladder” has become an important part of the conversation among leaders in church I work with.  Because it helps us pause before we leap to assumptions about others, their motives and their character.  It’s also helpful to help church leaders unpack their past experiences and begin to truly see the people in front of them.  

The section on teamwork, loyalty and looking out for each other would seem to be important for both small and large church staffs.  Since there are a great many more small church staffs, 2-3 people where each person’s job description drips with “additional duties as assigned” ink, would you talk a bit about what healthy team work looks like in those situations?  

A great team believes the best about each other. They regularly engage in conflict and it makes them appreciate each other better and thus brings them together.  They embody trust.  They see each member as inherently valuable with something unique to add to the solution. Great teams cover for each other as well. They willingly absorb a complaint about another staff person and apologize as if they themselves where the person who wronged the individual. They speak encouraging words about other team members to others and they speak the truth when it needs to be said, in the right setting. 

What do you hope would happen if a church with a youth pastor on staff already works through Inside the Mind together with the appropriate leadership and come to the conclusion that they’re not the right fit?  Not that they’re bad people, or ungifted… simply not the right fit in significant areas the process considers?  

If a community moves from Church A to Church B with a youth pastor on staff it’s difficult to image a scenario in which it wouldn’t work.  Church B allows the youth pastor to be themselves more than Church A does.  In fact Church B empowers a youth pastor to do what they are good at, but it empowers the congregation to own all of the ministry.  Of course there are people who don’t fit into Church B.  You are probably not a fit as a staff person for Church B if you can’t work with adults at all, or feel you must hold all the power yourself.  If you feel that you have nothing to learn, or that you don’t want input from others then you will struggle with leading in Church B as well.  Certainly they aren’t bad people, but not great fits for the process I talk about in Inside the Mind.  Frankly I personally wouldn’t hire those folks for any kind of church leadership though. But that’s just me.

For clarity though, Church B means that all of the youth ministry is owned by the congregation. So in churches I’ve personally worked with that implement the process, the church owns every detail, from bulletin announcements, reserving transportation for a trip, event planning, programming, relational ministry etc. It’s all owned by the church.  The youth pastor gets to be with God and be with people and do what they are good at. So if a youth pastor is a gifted speaker, let them speak. Etc.

Thanks for asking such great questions Patti!

Thanks for writing a book to help the church think differently about youth ministry, Mark!

I want to get my youth ministry and church leadership audience to chime in on something, if you will. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading Mark Riddle‘s new book Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors: A Church Leader’s Guide to Staffing and Leading Youth Pastors. I’m writing a review of the book for YMX, and Mark has graciously agreed to answer a slew of questions I sent him and make this humble blog a stop on his blog book tour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about one of the book’s shortest chapters (12), which addresses the elongation of adolescence and the resulting effect that should have on youth pastor hiring decisions. I asked Mark about it so we will eventually hear his input on this question when the blog tour interview appears.

Let me set the stage a bit. Mark, in Inside the Mind, cites research by Dr. Jeffery Arnett (Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from Late Teens through the Twenties) which makes a compelling case that, developmentally, the years from 18 to 25 should be considered late adolescence. The characteristics of this developmental stage, Mark argues, should be carefully considered in choosing to hire someone from this cohort as a spiritual leader for those in earlier stages of adolescence.

From Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, Ch 12, p 82:

If, however, you choose to hire an emerging adult to lead your youth ministry, you must give significant attention to mentoring that person in leadership and discipleship.  Teenagers need their youth pastors to have a strong sense of who they are, based on life experiences.  They need youth pastors who have a sense of stability in their identities.

Certainly there are men and women in their early to mid-20s who fit the bill, but they are few and far between.  Church leaders need to dispel the myth that younger is better for youth ministry leadership.  It’s simply not true.  In fact, entrusting spiritual leadership of your teenage children to someone who’s still working through the five characteristics [of late adolescence] listed earlier [in the chapter] is irresponsible.

While there is a lot of that which makes good sense to me – considering that car insurance and rental companies have considered this age group less capable of responsible decision-making and judgment in general, and have run their businesses accordingly for, well, ever.  That doesn’t change the fact that the vast majority of youth pastors/minister/directors I have ever had contact with got their start in youth ministry as volunteers or staff as young adults in their early 20s.

So, I’m wondering what you think about this.  And, if you agree, what are your constructive ideas for ways to bridge the time from the end of college to age 25 for those who have earned ministry degrees, but are not yet “adults” by this developmental measure?

From Crazy Love:

When I am consumed by my problems – stressed out by my life, my family, my job – I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice.  In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it’s ok to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.  Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.  They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God’s strength, our problems are small, indeed.

Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?

[Crazy Love, chapter 2, pp 41-42]

This is my second time through Crazy Love, reading it the first time after hearing him speak at the NYWC in Pittsburgh last fall.  It is because of spiritual sledge hammers like the above that I took it up again.  This time around, I’m going through it more slowly, journaling my reactions and revelations, and using the DVD resource – which is a lot like sitting with Francis Chan and having a conversation about the chapters.  The DVD video segments are engaging, beautifully produced, and it should be noted that they are not identical to those which have been available on the website as they bring some different points of discussion to the table.

Those of you who read these posts via RSS or email may not notice the side column section titled “Others’ View”.  It contains items from blogs I regularly read that I find interesting or challenging, and I share them through my Google Reader’s shared items function.  You can visit the site, or subscribe to that RSS here, or Google users can connect with me to see my shared items in their own GReader.

Moments ago I shared an item called “The Pope’s Comments About Gays and Lesbians” from Andrew Marin’s blog Love is An Orientation.  I recently had the opportunity to spend some time with Andy, he’s the real deal.  A Bible-believing, passion-driven human who can’t stand the injustice he sees perpetrated by Christians against one small segment of the population who are same-sex attracted.  I can’t wait to read Andy’s book, coming from IVP in April 2009, and also called Love is An Orientation.  I think it’s a HUGE, much needed, paradigm shift in the “no, my way” “no, my way” conversation (can you even call it a conversation?) that rages in the Church.

Please go read the post.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Click here… go read it!

As I mentioned earlier, the live blogging gig was intense.  It was a lot of fun, but I paid attention to the session speakers in a different way that I would otherwise have.  One thing I did notice, however, was something God was doing through the people who independently listened for what the Spirit was saying to the Church, more specifically to her youth workers, and brought what I believe to be a prophetic message of gospel authenticity as one might display the facets of a jewel.  Or, maybe, a 15-foot disco ball sending The Light into every corner, every relationship, every conversation.

None of the general session speakers brought “fluff” – each came with a passion for Jesus and for sharing insight into a more authentic relationship with Him.  However, several brought messages that ought to be game-changing for the Church.

Soong-Chan Rah rocked the room’s perception of cultural and institutional racism and what the church might “do” with that.  I know this was a challenge for many to hear, especially on the verge of an historic election wherein race and gender were part.  In fact, an Asian-Irish-American comedian who appeared on that stage the following morning was dumbfounded by the lack of laughter at his poking fun at his own heritage and family.  Clearly, people heard Dr. Rah’s message.

Andrew Marin stood before a room full of mainly white evangelicals and spoke heroically of elevating the conversation between the Church and the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered community.  He repeated again and again his firm belief that the Bible is “the inerrant Word of God” while articulating in language largely unknown how all have sinned, how judgment is God’s and loving our neighbor is ours, and how those who have been cast out need Jesus too.  I also attended Andrew’s seminar about answering the most common questions same-sex attracted people, who are justifiably jaded by their community’s treatment at the hands of Christians, will ask of a believer willing to have the conversation.  Keeping those out of the realm of yes/no answers is the absolute key to changing the tide, and Andrew ably demonstrated how to do so without a single bit of compromise.  He wants to turn the ship away from certain disaster to a life-giving conversation.  Truly inspiring.  I had some time to sit with Andrew, and am in process of putting together an article for YMX to appear before the end of the year.  So, more on that in the future.

Francis Chan tackled us with a big pile of saltless salt, challenging the perception that more is better or more effective.  A new, and more authentic, message that “numbers aren’t everything” – but one that could be heard and applied right now.  One quote that hit me, “If you can’t make disciples, go make a big pile of Christians.” Ouch.  His scriptural point blew me away, using the account of Elijah and the prophets of Baal, and concluding, “I want people to walk away saying the Lord is God” (like the prophets of Baal did) “not that was a great message.” Total gut (or heart) motivation check.

Phyllis Tickle simply blew me away with a tsunami of information.  Her noteless presentation of 2000 years of church history, documenting the significant events in cultures that brought shifts in the life of the Church… astounding.  I’m going to have to read her book to do the talk justice!  It was precise, concise, relevant, and an important reminder of two things: 1. history repeats, 2. we need to look at the big picture.  And, the lady is just really funny, totally unpretentious, and really, really smart.  Her book, The Great Emergence, is waiting for me.

And, chronologically last, an amazing confession from Marko (Mark Oestreicher) that the Lord so disturbed him that he scrapped the talk he had planned, reworked from the earlier venue of the NYWC, and addressed this thread of authenticity in life and ministry that had been drawn throughout the weekend.  It was an amazing and raw talk that articulated a new intersection for ministry, that isn’t really new at all.  Ministry happens at the intersection of communion and mission.  He went on to give the characteristics of that intersection, that the intersection of communion and mission is small, slow, simple, present, fluid and Jesusy.  The quote that stuck with me? “You absolutely have everything you need to be wildly successful in youth ministry and the stuff you though you needed is an absolute deterrent to ministry.”  There was lots in this reletively short talk, including the world premiere of the text of an as-yet unpublished children’s story that Marko and his 10-year-old son, Max, wrote together… like it was tailor made for this very talk.  I hope someday to possess a copy of that beautiful parable of relationship, a story about learning, about learning together, and learning to live into our given abilities to be our whole selves.

If you’re interested, any of the general session talks, and a huge number of seminars, are available for download, and can be purchased at http://www.ysmp3andcddvd.com/store.

I love the YS Conventions.  The first time I attended was in Philadelphia in 1997.  The theme, Only a Fool, hit me right in the heart as I was in full-on ache to be in youth ministry full time, and attempting some discernment about how, when, where that could even happen, or even if it was supposed to.

I was already a “seasoned” volunteer (who really knew nothing!) of close to 10 years, had never once had a ministry budget.  I spent hours wandering around in the store carefully choosing what I could afford to buy with my own money to stretch the most Kingdom impact out of for the kids at the church I was serving.  I don’t know if the person who noticed my painstaking browsing was a YS staffer or a volunteer, but after a while that person started talking to me and (because it’s so difficult to do this) pulled my story out of me.  She was very encouraging, helped me make some choices and check out my purchases, which came in just a few cents less than what I had to spend.

I went on with my conference day, full of speakers and music and places where God spoke and I listened, places where I spoke and God listened.  None of those places was clearer than the sight I beheld upon returning to my hotel room to find the door decorated with handmade signs and streamers thanking me, by name, for loving kids sacrificially.  I stood in that hallway and cried.  I sat in that hallway and cried some more.  Once I could see again, I noticed the bulging white plastic bag of goodies.  Much of the resource material I’d considered but left behind in my deliberations was in that bag, along with a signed copy of Following Christ by Joseph Stowell.  His talk that weekend was a marker for me, and I’ve re-read or referenced that book a dozen times over the years. An incredible, supernatural bit of affirmation and encouragement, made possible because someone was paying attention.

No surprise, then, that each of the YS Conventions I’ve attended since – I’ve lost count, maybe 5 or 6 – have been with the firm intention of connecting and listening for the purpose of encouraging.  While that has looked a little different every time, that’s my heart when I go.  That moment of encouragement was pivotal for me in continuing the journey, and I’m willing to bet that YS staffer/volunteer had no idea it would lead to a 20+ year commitment to sharing the Seriously Ridiculous love of Christ with kids and youth workers.

PS – Oh, and thanks, God via YS, for that nice full-circle thing you did on the themes for me, I love it when you do things like that!