the intersection of life and grace

People watching is an integral part of my life. I’m keenly interested in how people interact with one another across lines of belief and culture. I notice details that many don’t, or at least never speak about.  I can’t turn this habit off, nor do I think I’d want to even though it frequently leads me to frustration. I’d prefer it more often led me to action.

One of the common threads woven into the fabric of those interactions which most often lead me to that place of frustration is when there is a distinct lack of respect displayed between people or groups.  It happens in such a wide array of venues – from politics to comedy to religion to schools – that giving respect may be a lost art.

Quite a few people I know would functionally define respect as “let me do my own thing, you do yours, and we won’t bother each other.” In this context, it is disrespectful to place an expectation, enforce a common rule, confront an injustice, or even simply acknowledge authority. I can see places in my life, and in my own walk of faith, where I have been guilty of applying this false definition of respect. I want to do better.

It’s possible that the true definition of the kind of respect to which I’m referring is lost.  I’ll clarify. I’m writing specifically of respect which gives consideration to another’s situation, idea or point-of-view, simply because it comes from another human being. In addition, respect holds that other person in esteem first – not only after it has been earned.  It doesn’t mean endorsing or agreeing.

Let me speak, for a moment, to the Church. In biblical terms, respect is 100% about seeking and serving the image of God in every human being; it means loving the sinner as we sinners are loved; it means submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.  It means something radical!  If we all – the Church – got a little closer to this and stopped paying special attention to behaviors that scare us, gross us out, and annoy us, we just might get better at being Jesus’ Body to a broken world.  I’m talking about Lordship, here, and it seems to me that we’ve got the wrong definition of respect working on that matter too, but that’s a different subject.

There are a lot of implications. One of these is that we get our priorities mixed up, and rather than stand with people (images of God, sinners like us who should be respected out of our own esteem for Jesus Christ), we stand against them or justify our silence. Ah, irony.

Today, April 16, is the Day of Silence. Sponsored by an organization called GLSEN, it is a day where students give up their voices (literally, don’t speak) to raise awareness of the injustices perpetrated against gay, lesbian, bi, and trans peers. Why doesn’t the Church stand with these students? Most discussion I’ve seen on the matter offers advice for talking to your kids about what the bible says about homosexuality so you can explain it to your gay friends. I don’t think that’s the biblical response. I know there are many who would argue to the contrary, I respect that. I think this part needs to come first.

Here are 3 ways anyone can stand with people who experience same-sex attraction to end the injustices they experience – without compromising their personal beliefs:

1. Eliminate the use of “gay”, “homo” and similar words from your own language and encourage others to do likewise. Think about what it means when the phrases “that’s so gay” or “dude, I like your shirt, no homo” are used.

2. Speak out against teasing, bullying, harassment, and physical violence against same-sex attracted people – especially youth. Give options for expressing and dealing with the feelings behind such actions in appropriate ways and places.

3. Educate yourself to become an agent of change and end the miscommunication between the Church and the GLBT communities. Read Andrew Marin‘s excellent book Love is An Orientation for some insight into ways that can be done.

None of these require the endorsement of any particular behavior beyond “love your neighbor as yourself”. All of these only require respecting the dignity of another human being.  What would you add to the list?

I recently spent some time with a youth worker friend who shared an amazing story with me. So beautiful, this story, so clear an evidence of the hand of God, that I’m compelled to share it with you.

This youth leader friend, along with a few students, stopped into a large youth event that was already underway.  They arrived just as a 16-year-old overcame her nerves and took the stage to share her conviction that life is precious to God.  Her words carried into the convention center, across the crowd of 1500 people to another girl who stood at the back. Not registered for the conference, this second girl stood with her youth leader who brought her with the stated motive of hearing the student on the stage.  They were in the room for only a few minutes.

The student on the stage spoke from the heart, and left the stage believing that the greatest victory was having spoken in front of a large crowd in spite of her nerves, the lights and the microphone. It was not.

The girl in the back, standing with her youth leader on this “quick stop” at the conference, was pregnant. For all of the reasons you’d expect, she was taking steps toward having an abortion – she was young, her whole future ahead of her. The message from the girl on the stage – that life is precious to God – changed her mind.

The message that life is precious to God changed her mind.

It wasn’t the sort of pro-life message you typically might hear directed at people like this pregnant teenager. There were no signs. There was no anger. Simple, honest statement that God’s love is for each and every person compelled one teenager to overcome her fears and speak the truth. Every life is precious to God. It was life changing. And a precious-to-God baby girl is in the arms of a loving family today as a result.

Yes, the law of the land allows a different choice. The pressures on pregnant girls are huge and come from all sides. If you’re not sure what that looks like in reality, take a look at an episode or two of MTVs 16 and Pregnant. Each pregnant teenager’s situation is different, but they are faced with the same reality.  Something blanket doctrinal and political statements are incapable of considering.

The teenager speaking from the stage thought her victory was overcoming her fear of the situation. She didn’t know the girl in the back, or that her words were going to be used by God to preserve a precious life, to change a person’s heart, to change the world just a little bit.  Every word spoken with love has that power.

The power of being present has been on my mind quite a bit lately.

That solitary sentence has existed in isolation in a draft post for months. It’s still true, so I thought it was time to dust it off and hang out with it for a while.

What originally spurred it? I’m no longer certain. So many people live in isolation, even in an age of hyper-connectedness, that it may have been any number of situations. But today it seemed to fit my thinking about the ‘in between’ nature of Holy Saturday, upon which Christians consider the time between Jesus death and resurrection – the time during which he was no longer physically present. It’s a profound point when you believe in an omnipresent God. It can also turn into a theological rollercoaster ride, which isn’t my intent here today.

So much of caring is wrapped up in presence. Is it possible to display love and caring without presence of some sort? I’m not sure it is; I know it wasn’t intended to be. Babies die without touch. Adults go insane in extreme isolation. Communities deteriorate without presence. It’s the power of the humanity of Jesus – God came to be with humanity. It’s the power encapsulated in the proclamation of faith which shouts “be with” – Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again.

Between the “risen” and the “come again” Jesus is not gone. He is in. In his people. In his church, the body of Christ, BUT only as far as we are present for each other, for the isolated, for the young, for the old, for the community.

Last week, in the neighborhood to which I’ve been present in one way or another for 10 years, where my church is situated and the kids I’m called to serve live, there was a sadly ordinary act of street violence. Taken was a 17-year-old, one of the kids I knew as an elementary-aged kid, and a 21-year-old. Senseless death.

Yesterday, in keeping an ancient practice of re-enacting the steps Jesus took from his condemnation to his death, my church walked the streets of the community, passing by the street memorial for these young men. [See a news report of the community walk here.]  It was a poignant reminder of the need for the Church (not just ours, but all of it) to be with it’s community – to be community.  During the Stations, a man named David gave his life to Christ.  Tonight, David will be baptised during one of the most ancient known liturgies celebrated today, The Great Vigil of Easter. It is marked by a transition from darkness into light, from slavery and condemnation to freedom and salvation. It’s an amazing re-telling of the love story God has given in scripture. It tells us of his desire to be with us… about the importance of presence.

Following months of deliberation by the Federal Trade Commission and rumors throughout the social media marketing world, the FTC this week released it’s “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising” to much buzz.  And, a little panic, I think, for bloggers, twitterers and facebookers who like to talk about their favorite goods and services, wondering what this all might mean for them.

It’s an 81-page document, in rather complex legal-governmental language.  You can read it by clicking here if you like [opens PDF document in a new window].

First, because I’ve fielded a few questions about this from the reviewers I work with on content for clients, I want to define what the new regulations say about bloggers – as I understand it. Disclaimer:  I’m not a lawyer, this isn’t legal advice, and if I learn something new about it, I’ll update this post.

Disclosure

If a company gives you product or money or any other kind of award or compensation in return for your posting about them or their product on your blog, Twitter, Facebook, or any other social networking site, you (the blogger) need to say so clearly.  The consequence for not doing so includes potentially hefty fines, but the report does not delineate what to expect for certain infractions, nor how specifically it will be enforced.

Now, if you review books, resources or music for another outlet, such as YMX, and repost your work on your blog with link attribution (as that site has permitted), you need only be clear that you were given the resource to review for that outlet.  It is pretty clear that product is given to media outlets to review, and you’re (in the case of YMX) reprinting with permission with link attribution.  If you link to your work on another commercial site from your  personal Twitter/Facebook, etc, it seems clear to me that you got something in return for the work (product or  some other consideration).

If you are an affiliate marketer – say for amazon, or referral link prizes, and the like – you need to say so under these new rules.  If you make money on it, you need to say so more clearly than ever.  Here is a good overview of the new guidelines from the corporate marketing point of view.

About this blog

Most reviews on this blog are reprints of my work for hire, primarily at YS/YMX. Those include links back to the original publication page.

A few times publishers or companies have given me books to review, or something to give away. While it was clear enough at the time, I will be more specific about that going forward.  I have never been paid cash for any post on this blog, or anything I’ve posted on my personal social networking accounts.  I intend to add a disclosure page to this blog to acknowledge affiliate relationships so there is no confusion.

All very formal, but I have no problem disclosing this if it prevents confusion on the part of others. Clarity is good, and assuring readers that my thoughts and opinions are my own even if I got a free book is something I’m happy to do.  It’s necessary to help people who research purchases on the internet tell the difference between advertising and customer opinion, because the line had become blurry. Ethics are important.

Now, if we could just get the same kind of clear public disclosure from politicians and lobbyists, I’d be thrilled.

I recently had the opportunity to read Mark Riddle’s new book, Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors.  Mark is a consultant for churches who are looking to staff for youth ministry as a part of the larger vision for their community and ministry – a holistic approach, you might call it.  The book is a good look into the hard questions churches would want to ask about youth ministry in their context, and goes on to give insight into how a healthy staff relationship between a senior pastor and a youth pastor might look.  

One of the “big ideas” that struck me from Inside the Mind was Mark’s brief discussion of the optimal age of a youth pastor.  You can see that previous discussion here.

After I read the book, I had the opportunity to send several questions to Mark, which he has answered, and I’ve posted below.  My questions are in italics, Mark’s answers are indented. We invite your discussion.

Even though the book is called Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, you spend considerable time making the case for getting inside the mind of congregations, pastors and leadership, parents and communities.  While that could have made for an incredibly cumbersome title, can you talk a bit about the essential nature of honest and open communication among all those parties in the process of establishing a sustainable youth ministry? 

Too many times people in the church, whether they be paid or not, live with assumptions about the roles we play in the church family.  We assume people think like we do, believe what we believe and value what we value.  Parents assume things about you as a youth pastor based on their experiences with youth pastors in their past. They often interpret you through the lens of their past experiences. Youth pastors do this with others as well.  Dialogue is the fundamental way in which we see people differently. Dialogue is how we extricate ourselves from the past and create an environment in which transformation can occur.  I talk about this a bit in the chapter on assumptions and inference, but it’s really through out the book.  I didn’t want to put myself in a place where I was speaking on behalf of youth pastors, or senior pastor, so I included questions at the end of each chapter to help encourage conversation with the various people you mention here.  The future of staffing within the church will be lead by those who understand the dynamics of dialogue and practice them everyday.

There are likely churches which have never considered some of the questions you raise in the first section of the book.  How would you encourage a pastor or congregation that it is worth the investment of time and energy to work through the process?  

In the first section of the book I talk about the need to seriously think about why you have a youth ministry, and how unhealthy it is to put a youth pastor at the center of the youth ministry of a church.  There’s always a temptation for me to try to convince church leaders that they need to change, but that is my issue not theirs.  I’m way more interested in working with a church leader who reads the book and says, “You’ve been reading my mail.” Or “We’ve hired youth pastors for the wrong reasons and we’re ready to change.”  That’s an exciting moment because a church leader has come to some conclusions on their own.  I personally don’t find much value in trying to convince or persuade a church leader of the need to change because the change is hard work.  If I can persuade you this afternoon that you need change, when the work starts it will persuade you that it’s not worth the effort.   As a result, people generally find me when they want to change.  Of course all of this talk is easy for me as I sit outside the situation. It’s much different for the youth pastor inside.  But this points more to the question of long-term sustainable dialogue with church leaders.  Hopefully the book will help some youth pastors and senior pastors make some break throughs.  It’s why I wrote the book. I felt like 80% of what the seminars talk about at the National Youth conventions tell youth pastors to do is not possible, because the church leaders aren’t included in the conversation.  But when it comes down to it, the church leader has to make the decision that they want a healthy youth ministry.

Following up on that, do you believe that “the average” congregation can successfully accomplish the process without an objective moderator, whether a consultant or another caring, but non-partisan person?

Such an interesting question. First I’d say that having a third party is very helpful, I’ve seen the benefits of it first hand. I’ll say that there are no objective third parties.  Everyone comes with a history, a perspective, a set of values  etc. The job of a consultant is to understand their biases and to the degree they can, set them aside so that they can truly listen, but also bring them to the table when the situation warrants.  There is something very helpful to a community to have someone who is differentiated enough to say what they see is really going on and give insights that can church leaders can engage so they can make things better.  Is it possible without someone from the outside?  I’m optimistic.

You touched on the concept of the elongation of adolescence and how that might impact establishing a healthy youth ministry by encouraging hiring “older” (25+) youth pastors.  I could hear screams from Bible college and Christian college youth ministry departments from coast to coast as I read that.  How do you think that 2-3 years between graduation at age 22-23 could constructively be spent by those who sense a vocational calling to ministry with students and families?  

I’m not going to write a prescription for late adolescent involvement, but I’ll say that putting a 20-25 year old person in charge, especially in what I call a Church A model is often destructive for the church they lead in AND maybe more often in the lives of the person in leadership.  There are always exceptions. A 20-25 year old person has a lot to offer the church and a lot to learn.  Leadership depends often on wisdom and wisdom comes from experience.  So late adolescents should be involved in youth ministry, in every way shape and form. They should have incite into the politics of the church and the tough decisions leaders make. But in my opinion they don’t need to be in charge of the spiritual formation of a communities teenagers and their parents.  I’ve yet to find anyone over 30 who disagrees with me on this issue. 

As I read, there were a number of moments where I saw my own youth ministry experiences, both good and difficult, reflected in the stories you shared. There is encouragement in knowing that there is shared experience, sadness in knowing there is shared pain and frustration.  One place I see in the book that will have some common “ah ha” for all parties to a conversation about youth ministry is the section about the Ladder of Inference, and the effects of our filling in the blanks with faulty assumptions.  As you’re aiding churches in this process, do you find exploring that area of communication to be a place of transformational opportunity? 

I appreciate your encouragement. I’m glad the stories in the book seemed to be telling your story in some way.  The Ladder of Inference is an amazing tool developed by Chris Argyris.  “Climbing the ladder” has become an important part of the conversation among leaders in church I work with.  Because it helps us pause before we leap to assumptions about others, their motives and their character.  It’s also helpful to help church leaders unpack their past experiences and begin to truly see the people in front of them.  

The section on teamwork, loyalty and looking out for each other would seem to be important for both small and large church staffs.  Since there are a great many more small church staffs, 2-3 people where each person’s job description drips with “additional duties as assigned” ink, would you talk a bit about what healthy team work looks like in those situations?  

A great team believes the best about each other. They regularly engage in conflict and it makes them appreciate each other better and thus brings them together.  They embody trust.  They see each member as inherently valuable with something unique to add to the solution. Great teams cover for each other as well. They willingly absorb a complaint about another staff person and apologize as if they themselves where the person who wronged the individual. They speak encouraging words about other team members to others and they speak the truth when it needs to be said, in the right setting. 

What do you hope would happen if a church with a youth pastor on staff already works through Inside the Mind together with the appropriate leadership and come to the conclusion that they’re not the right fit?  Not that they’re bad people, or ungifted… simply not the right fit in significant areas the process considers?  

If a community moves from Church A to Church B with a youth pastor on staff it’s difficult to image a scenario in which it wouldn’t work.  Church B allows the youth pastor to be themselves more than Church A does.  In fact Church B empowers a youth pastor to do what they are good at, but it empowers the congregation to own all of the ministry.  Of course there are people who don’t fit into Church B.  You are probably not a fit as a staff person for Church B if you can’t work with adults at all, or feel you must hold all the power yourself.  If you feel that you have nothing to learn, or that you don’t want input from others then you will struggle with leading in Church B as well.  Certainly they aren’t bad people, but not great fits for the process I talk about in Inside the Mind.  Frankly I personally wouldn’t hire those folks for any kind of church leadership though. But that’s just me.

For clarity though, Church B means that all of the youth ministry is owned by the congregation. So in churches I’ve personally worked with that implement the process, the church owns every detail, from bulletin announcements, reserving transportation for a trip, event planning, programming, relational ministry etc. It’s all owned by the church.  The youth pastor gets to be with God and be with people and do what they are good at. So if a youth pastor is a gifted speaker, let them speak. Etc.

Thanks for asking such great questions Patti!

Thanks for writing a book to help the church think differently about youth ministry, Mark!

I wasn’t going to blog about this, but I’m changing my mind under the influence of so very many complaints about the most recent changes on Facebook.  If you aren’t a Facebook user, you’re in a minority of webizens, and I won’t be offended if you skip this post.

Yes, the latest change was a big one.  It took all of the information you and all your connections are producing – all of which was already displayed on the homepage – standardized its appearance and combined it into one stream of information.  All of this information was already public, but placed differently.  Like it, love it, hate it, the responsibility for the now-all-equally-valued information was put into the hands of each individual user.  Previously, I could “vote up” or “vote out” certain types of information.  Now, I have to count on my connected Facebook Friends to control their output.

A few questions to ask yourself, as a Facebook user:

1. Do I want all my friends to see on their home page that I sent an Egg/Plant/Poke to or threw a cyber-sheep (or, my personal fav a barrel full of monkeys) at  [fill in name of other friend here]?
2. Do I want all my friends to see what I wrote on our mutual friend’s wall?
3. Do I want all my friends to see what I wrote on a poll or group discussion?
4. Are there some  people I’m connected with I’d like to check on first, before I scan the whole news feed for the rest of what’s going on?
5. Have I ever reviewed what applications I’ve authorized access to my information?
6. Do I get email from Facebook I don’t want?

Depending upon your answers to the above, you may be thinking you’d like to fix what you’re floating into the Facebook information stream, and take some control over your Facebook life.  Here’s how, from your logged in Facebook account:

Applications

If you want to amuse yourself with myriad apps, sending gifts and so on, that’s great.  You may not want everyone to have to read about it (in fact, most people probably don’t want to know, for the most part).

• On the top of your Facebook, there’s a blue bar.
• Find SETTINGS > APPLICATION SETTINGS which will return a list of your most recently used applications.
• In the menu above the list, select AUTHORIZED to see all the apps you’ve ever given permission to access your profile.
• Next to each there is a link EDIT SETTINGS from which you can select “Never publish any stories from [name of app]” or “Prompt me before publishing any stories from [name of app]“.
• Note, you can also click the X at the end of the line for each app to delete it if you don’t use it.  Think of it as spring cleaning for your Facebook profile.

Wall posts

• From that blue menu bar at the top of the page,
• SETTINGS > PRIVACY SETTINGS
• NEWS FEED & WALL
• Returns a list of check boxes where you can choose which actions you want to appear on your wall, and therefore appear in the global news feed on the homepage.
• This is a great time to check your PROFILE privacy settings, too.

Emails

• SETTINGS > ACCOUNT SETTINGS
• NOTIFICATIONS
• Select which events you want emails about.

Friend Groups

Want to see updates from certain folks sorted out of the general home page stream?  This is the coolest new use of an existing Facebook feature!

• Blue bar again… FRIENDS
• Left side, MAKE A NEW LIST, follow the prompts to create your group.
• You can have as many as you want, and you can put friends in more than one group.

Yes, it will take a little time, but you’ll be so much happier with the results!  Happy Facebooking!

The life of St. Patrick, known as the apostle of Ireland, bears no resemblance to the festivities most of us in America associate with the day. As with many holidays, St. Patrick’s day has become a celebration of Irish heritage through traditions that have nothing to do with Patrick himself, and often have little even to do with Ireland. More so, the parades, green beer/rivers/food/clothing are uniquely American.

Patrick was a witness to the Gospel among the people of Ireland – at that time, a people unreached for Christ. Patrick was born in Scotland, the son of Roman nobles. At age 16 he was kidnapped and forced into slavery in Ireland, during which time he grew in his devotion and faith in spite of his circumstances. God used this time of slavery to give Patrick understanding of the native language, the druid religion, and the culture – all of which would become essential to his service to God as a missionary to Ireland later in his life.  Read more about Patrick here and here.

In the prayer of St. Patrick, said to have been composed as he faced fierce opposition from the Druids, shows his dedication to Christ alone, the source of his faith and strength.  This version is a more literal translation from the Irish language:

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I bind to myself today
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.

I bind to myself today
God’s Power to guide me,
God’s Might to uphold me,
God’s Wisdom to teach me,
God’s Eye to watch over me,
God’s Ear to hear me,
God’s Word to give me speech,
God’s Hand to guide me,
God’s Way to lie before me,
God’s Shield to shelter me,
God’s Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.

I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

Today, I’m praying for God to use the circumstances of the lives of those who love him to teach us to reach whole cultures for him, in the way of Patrick. Rath Dé ort! (May the grace of God be with you!)

Since their songs first came to the US on import vinyl, were only played in clubs and college radio, I have loved the artistry of U2.  The aching faith, the drive to make the world better that comes through on this new album, No Line on the Horizon, reminds me of The Joshua Tree, How to Dismantle the Atomic Bomb, and even Boy and October.  In fact, there is a musical place on No Line that will take you musically to every part of U2′s discography.  That body of work having been the soundtrack of my life from college to now, I find this album as comfortable as sitting down for a chat with an old friend and challenging at once.

Though I’ve only listened through the songs a few times since they were released for play on U2′s MySpace last week, I think this is a brilliant effort (and may be some of the best work by guitarist The Edge).  The track “Magnificent” has me captivated as it draws me into worship of God, while the single “Get On Your Boots” reminds that ‘laughter is eternity/if joy is real’ and “Stand Up Comedy” demands we ‘stand up for hope, faith, love, while I’m getting over certainty/stop helping God across the road like a little old lady’ .  If you want to give it a listen, you can download the complete album from amazon mp3 for $3.99 for a limited time by clicking the album cover image or this link.

Believers, Christ-followers of any denominational and doctrinal stripe – I’m talking to you. And me.  Stop it. The whining.  The complaining.  Really.  Before you speak, or type, another word about:

• a devotional practice or church tradition you have never participated in and therefore believe it must be specifically prohibited by scripture
• a politician or government policy, or the President, with clearly ill-considered sarcasm and disrespect  and nary an ounce of constructive thought (much less action)
• you get the idea, right?

I see a lot of facebook status updates (and their attendant comments), and twitter updates, and blog comments, and forum comments over the course of a week.  I have to say, a lot of them are whining or complaining.  The rest are fine – running commentary on life.

I’m only talking about the sort that fling sarcastic, unhappy criticism out into the cyber world and are never followed up with contstructive action thereafter.  Think – there are a lot of people who can see what you’ve said on the internet, people who may not be your direct “friends” on a particular social network.  They may not all be as smart, enlightened, mature, or skilled in discerning satire as are you.  And, in the written word, that discernment is mighty difficult because 85% of communication is non-verbal.  Words are evocative, and 100% open to interpretation.  [Public service announcement pause to tell you that I am completely calm, not angry, and not kidding about the subject of this post.]

Therefore, before you or I type another sarcastic, caustic, crushing word on your blog,  a disucssion forum, facebook or twitter status… stop.  Are you representing Christ accurately? Are you doing more than throwing words into air?  If not, why not?

What do the scriptures say about tearing each other down?

How about tearing down those who do not believe?

Maybe, even if you don’t practice the penitential season of Lent, you could just try, for the next 7 weeks, to:

“[S]et an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” [1 Timothy 4:12b-16]

And:

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” [Galatians 5:13-15]

We can communicate more clearly, more effectively, if we first heeding Paul’s teaching about his message (that of Christ) to the Corinthians in written and personally-spoken form:

“You are looking only on the surface of things. If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, he should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as he. For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it. I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. For some say, “His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing.” Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present” [2 Corinthians 10:7-11]

Don’t hide behind your computer screen if you aren’t going to act on the words in real life.

I want to get my youth ministry and church leadership audience to chime in on something, if you will. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading Mark Riddle‘s new book Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors: A Church Leader’s Guide to Staffing and Leading Youth Pastors. I’m writing a review of the book for YMX, and Mark has graciously agreed to answer a slew of questions I sent him and make this humble blog a stop on his blog book tour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about one of the book’s shortest chapters (12), which addresses the elongation of adolescence and the resulting effect that should have on youth pastor hiring decisions. I asked Mark about it so we will eventually hear his input on this question when the blog tour interview appears.

Let me set the stage a bit. Mark, in Inside the Mind, cites research by Dr. Jeffery Arnett (Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from Late Teens through the Twenties) which makes a compelling case that, developmentally, the years from 18 to 25 should be considered late adolescence. The characteristics of this developmental stage, Mark argues, should be carefully considered in choosing to hire someone from this cohort as a spiritual leader for those in earlier stages of adolescence.

From Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors, Ch 12, p 82:

If, however, you choose to hire an emerging adult to lead your youth ministry, you must give significant attention to mentoring that person in leadership and discipleship.  Teenagers need their youth pastors to have a strong sense of who they are, based on life experiences.  They need youth pastors who have a sense of stability in their identities.

Certainly there are men and women in their early to mid-20s who fit the bill, but they are few and far between.  Church leaders need to dispel the myth that younger is better for youth ministry leadership.  It’s simply not true.  In fact, entrusting spiritual leadership of your teenage children to someone who’s still working through the five characteristics [of late adolescence] listed earlier [in the chapter] is irresponsible.

While there is a lot of that which makes good sense to me – considering that car insurance and rental companies have considered this age group less capable of responsible decision-making and judgment in general, and have run their businesses accordingly for, well, ever.  That doesn’t change the fact that the vast majority of youth pastors/minister/directors I have ever had contact with got their start in youth ministry as volunteers or staff as young adults in their early 20s.

So, I’m wondering what you think about this.  And, if you agree, what are your constructive ideas for ways to bridge the time from the end of college to age 25 for those who have earned ministry degrees, but are not yet “adults” by this developmental measure?