the intersection of life and grace

I finally got to speak yesterday afternoon with the neurologist covering for mine, who is taking care of rounds at the hospital this week. While I didn’t completely understand the words from the radiology report, the gist of it is that there is an “unenhancing lesion” on the spinal cord near the 2nd cervical vertebrae. This is near, but not necessarily related to, the neck injury I received in a 10/1999 car accident.

The doctor I spoke with only had the report, not the films (which I have), so could not give much more of an opinion. He did, however, say that the words the radiologist used were not those that would describe a tumor, and that swelling (which is what I was told by the person from their office who told me I needed and emergency brain scan) is not the right word either. The rest would have to be determine with me and the films of the scan present with my neurologist. That will happen on Monday (7/30).

So, a lull from the drama apparently created by ill-informed words by whomever was told to call me about the brain scan. I did mention to the doctor that there is a training opportunity there. He apologized for the way this all happened. I can live with that (though the pain in my neck and the numbness in my hands is more distracting to live with).

The lull encompasses a number of aspects of life. We’re in a waiting phase for Tim as we look forward to his 8/21 appointment with another specialist. And we’re eagerly awaiting Cathie’s return home this Thursday from her mission trip to Bolivia (see updates here).

I can handle a lull.

Seriously. Three phone calls to the neurologist’s office in the day since having the brain scan. None returned. I have no information other than the initial “you have swelling in the cervical spinal cord.” None. No appointment. No instructions.

I really simply wanted to hear something about a pretty serious sounding discovery, you know, for peace of mind. Is it as serious as it sounds? Do I need something to happen right away? If not, are there things I should be doing or not doing in the meantime? These didn’t seem like unreasonable questions to me. I’ll be asking them of my primary doctor on Monday.

My girlfriend Lisa says this is a definite “you’ve got to be kidding me” and I think she’s right!

Yesterday I had the long-awaited MRI of my neck. I knew something was up when – after the technician rolled me out of the machine – she informed me, “the radiologist wants to see an area better so we need to give you IV contrast.” By the time I left their office knowing only they’d taken extra pictures, the radiologist was calling my neurologist, who in turn called me to say I have swelling of my spinal cord in my neck and they want me to have a brain MRI right away. “No,” the office person who called me said, “I don’t have any more information to give you except that the doctor wants to see you as soon as possible, the first available appointment is too far off so we’re putting you on the emergency cancellation list.” Hm, isn’t that fun?

Adam joked that with a detailed picture of my brain for a guide, Tom might finally accomplish something he’s been at for about 23 years – figuring me out. Well, pthbbt!

So, my brain scan is 11:15 this morning. We’ll all have to stay tuned together, because we all know this family needs more medical adventures! You’ve got to be kidding me!

Update: I have, in my possession, proof that my brain is indeed inside my head. Now to wait for the appointment to gain the neurologist’s opinion of it’s condition.

Along with a bunch o’YMXers, I’ve been tagged by Marko to share some random facts about myself.

Rules to play:

1. players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

So, 8 random facts about Patti… hmmm

1. I’m involved in an effort to found a non-profit organization to practically assist youth workers who have been ‘left for dead’ by the church.

2. My first purchased-with-my-own-money car was a used Plymouth Reliant K, the car after which one of my son’s favorite bands is named (though they spell it Relient K).

3. I used to be on the swimming team in high school, and now my daughter swims for the same school.

4. My teenage children and I often get asked if we’re siblings. It’s so random!

5. My husband and I met at an anthropology professor’s house and “cemented” our relationship by taking a course called “The Anthropology of Conflict” together. We’ve been married 20 years in a few weeks, so I guess those were credits well earned.

6. Both my parents are only children, so I have no cousins of my own (some my parents’ age, who are really their cousins).

7. I don’t really like pizza, but I eat it for ministry purposes so I can suffer for Jesus.

8. Coffee – not designer, thanks. I’m a New Yorker, I take it regular (cream and 2 sugars), if you please, and plenty of it.

OK, to tag 8 people to play… I’m tagging more YMXers

Knotter
Cathy
Angie
Pk
Jeff
Todd
Dirk
Beth

My not-so-baby baby girl is on a mission trip in La Paz, Bolivia with a group from The Diocese of Albany. Today is their first whole day on the ground there, and I imagine they are feeling more rested after having arrived very early yesterday morning on the overnight flight from Miami. I’m praying that they are all feeling well and suffering no ill effects from the 14,000+ feet geographic location, and that the abrupt return to winter hasn’t phased the hearty north easterners at all.

After some prayer time this morning, I was reflecting on the blessing and challenge that is a teenage daughter. I love her so much! She amazes me. And, like many teenagers and their moms, we frustrate each other (mostly when my priority for her time and hers don’t match). That’s so ok, in fact, I think it’s probably how it’s supposed to be as she learns to make her own choices and manage the results, as she negotiates the emotional and social minefield that being a high school aged girl looks like.

Leaving for this trip was particularly hard for her. It’s not the first time she’s gone on a mission trip, but a series of things that might seem minor from the outside conspired to make it hard to go. Things like not getting to see her best friend before the trip (and said bff leaving for her own trip shortly after Cathie’s return), my having to back out of the trip a while back, and her brother having a particularly bad series of attacks making it necessary for us to leave the airport sooner than we’d hoped. All of that, together with being the well-sibling of the sick kid whose illness dictates much of our schedule (and the abrupt changing thereof), made for some tears at the terminal. Understandable, yes; nonetheless difficult.

She’s such a capable person! She’s nearly there in all the skills she needs for life, and her Lord has given her such wonderful gifts. Adam says she gets the “blind stupid faith that makes no logical sense” concept and lives it out. I pray this trip will be just that for her, living it out and inviting others into the life as she does. I know her gifts for loving people where they are, her compassion and her ability to share life with new people will serve God well on this trip. I’m praying her little photo album of her family and friends will be a great tool for opening the door to hearing about the lives of the people she meets and serves.

She’s equipped and sent in ministry, she’s living the life… I can hardly wait to hear how amazing this experience is for her, and for the Kingdom.

A happy consequence of all the changes life has delivered to our family over the past 15 months or so is that I’ve gotten to enjoy a lot more games with my kids. They both really get the game of baseball now, and love to tease me and each other about favorite players and teams (they’re sporting their fav caps in the snap above). I love talking with them about points of base running strategy, or explaining why intentional walks can be a good thing, or the why there’s an infield fly rule.

I’ve long been the bigger sports fan in our household, thanks to my college and professional experience in sports journalism, with kudos to the men in my childhood who didn’t think there was a thing wrong with teaching a little girl about the games they loved. It’s not that Tom doesn’t enjoy sports, he does. It’s just not as much of an interest for him as it has been for me.

My priority in watching professional sports are those players who seem to get real joy from the game they play. I can’t stand the whiny, arrogant players who want to be stars more than they want to be sportsmen.

My current favorite in this regard in the NY Mets’ third baseman David Wright. When he’s on the field, he’s all there, like a kid diving in the dirt every chance he gets, making plays with a grin. There are a number of talented young players on this Mets team, but even as he’s playing pranks on his teammates in the dugout, he’s wearing a boyish grin that is fun to watch.

why, but the deafening silence hurt then and it hurts now too. I either need to confront it or let it go forever. Pray with me that I’ll know which one is the right thing to do, and how to accomplish it once I know.

I get excited about free things, because, well, they’re free! Youth Ministry Exchange has launched a new feature and it’s something worth grabbing that’s actually free! And, it’s good, useful and youth ministry related!

This week’s free find is a pile of hugely valuable, totally customizable permission and release forms. Click here to check it out — you can even subscribe to the free content and have the goodies come to you, how cool is that?!

Cathie got to say good-bye to her beautifully decorated purple cast today. The doctor said her wrist x-ray showed enough improvement for her to graduate to a brace for support while she’s on her mission trip.

It’s been so long since I’ve been able to compose a few thoughts and have time to sit at the computer and put them down. I’m sorry, I know there are many who surf by regularly and see nothing new. It’s not that I haven’t been at the computer, I have. It’s that lethal combination of preoccupation and distraction, with a healthy side of life pressing in on all sides.

Tim and I missed church again today, which makes me sad because it was “commissioning day” for Cathie as she gets ready to head out on her mission trip to Bolivia next Saturday (7/14). I did get her there while Tim was asleep, he had a very difficult night with a number of back-to-back, frightening, seizure-like episodes. From church, she’ll go to her friend Rebecca’s house until it’s time for a youth group pool party. So, she’ll have a great, and busy day.

On the other hand, Tim and I will be home… again. We sometimes get pretty severe cabin fever, more often that makes us silly rather than grumpy, but both are understandable with the circumstances. The plus side is, we get to watch a lot of baseball games together! So… what are the circumstances since the last post in May?

The Update

Health-wise, Tim is about the same. His symptoms vary a bit, but over time are consistently present daily in some manner of abnormal movement. Of course, the frustration of not being able to find a doctor that will pursue this to a diagnosis continues. Four neurologists, a rheumatologist, two psychiatrists, a team of hospital pediatricians, and our determined pediatrician… plus an assortment of radiologists, and ER docs. The psychiatrists say, “this isn’t a conversion disorder, keep looking for a neurological origin” while the neurological (and rheumatological) folk we’ve seen thus far say “this isn’t neurological, it’s psychiatric.” Yeah, ok… that’s super-helpful. One of the neurologists honestly said “I don’t know, I’ve never seen anything like this before.” I wanted to hug him.

The psychiatrist has been very kind and supportive, and we’ll keep taking Tim to see him while we’re tilting at the diagnosis windmill. After that, we’ll see if it’s still worthwhile. He did suggest a particular child neurology specialist at Strong Memorial Hospital, whose receptionist refused to schedule Tim because he’s nearing his 18th birthday. When another respected doctor also suggested the same specialist, and I discovered that our pediatrician had already sent Tim’s test results and a summary letter to his office, I wrote a letter hoping to get past the ‘law’ and into the grace of the situation.

Yesterday’s mail brought a reply – an appointment for August 21 with the highly recommended specialist in Rochester! That is completely an answered prayer!

Somewhere in the midst of all that – actually, pretty shortly after my last post – I resigned my position as the Director of Youth Ministries at Christ the King Center and the Diocese of Albany in order to be more available to Tim and my family as we help each other through these days. Chris Copeland, my predecessor and the director of Beaver Cross Camp, has been re-gifted with the youth ministries responsibilities.

So, for the first time in a LOT of years, I’m not engaged in direct youth ministry. It’s pretty darn strange, I have to tell you, to have changed ministry positions from Christ Church for 7 years, to CtK for 1, to full-time mom, all in just about 15 months. Head spinning… heart adjusting to “being on the vocational ministry bench” – so not a place I’m used to! However, it’s where I’m supposed to be, and I’ve been at peace about it 99.9999999~% of the time. It is hard to give up the new relationships I was forming, the new vision for programming, and the seeds planted… I know that isn’t all gone, that God will surely provide… I’m just missing being a part of what He’s doing in that section of the vineyard.

Oh, and please don’t tell me motherhood is youth ministry, anymore… it hurts more than it helps. While they surely overlap in some ways, but they are not the same thing and making them equal is patronizing and demeans the effort and education – not to mention the calling of God – involved in each distinct ministry.

Tom is preparing to run the Adirondack half-marathon in September, as a member of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training. Training for that, combined with his work and reserves duty keeps him pretty busy.

Sooo… there you go. Thanks for checking in here, thanks for praying with us for Tim’s healing, and for each of us as we go through these days. God provides, your prayers sustain and encourage us. We value you more than words can describe.