Hello, hello, I’m in a place called Vertigo

Or, maybe I’ve been living on the amusement park teacups, but wow am I grateful someone stopped the ride to let me off!

I just spent the first 14 days of June fighting the most frustrating situation that I think a person like me can face! I somehow came in contact with a nasty virus that most people are immune to from childhood (but not me, aren’t I special?), which not only made me “sick” but allowed me the special honor of having a full blown case of vertigo. Kind of ironic for a U2 fan, eh? But seriously, it isn’t funny… in fact it nearly drove me insane — after the worst of the initial flu-like symptoms subsided — to feel absolutely fine while perfectly horizontal and staring at the ceiling only to be launched into the sensation of having been stuck on the teacups for years if I sat up. The fact that this followed about a month of just not feeling well overall didn’t help either.

I lay on my couch, or my bed, with absolutely no distraction from looking at the ceiling or the top half of the walls. Have I mentioned that I don’t hold still well?? TV was useless because there was no distraction whatsoever to be found in the Michael Jackson trial coverage, the search for Natalee Holloway, or much of anything else emanating from “the box.” I was tortured by, ironically (hello, hello, that song again), the arrival of my copy of Bono: In Conversation because I couldn’t sit up to read… no daily time in the Word… no spiritual reading… nada! Even the computer was absolutetly out of bounds, simply having the monitor in my line of sight made my head explode – no email, no forum/blog reading or posting… ARRRGGGHH! My post on June 13 was a trial run that went, well, let’s say not so well for me personally.

But, I did learn some things… some pretty important ones, at that.

  • I am not indespensible! My family and my ministry survived largely unfazed by my absence. I must have done something right, because much happened as others stepped up to responsibility. See my previous posting of Vicky’s sermon for an example.
  • I needed the rest! The Lord very clearly used this to get my attention about resting both physically and spiritually in Him. I had to… but now I want to more than ever. It was amazing how, when I quieted myself, I would discover His presence in me. Scripture insights would float through my mind… the sort of things I would want to capture, but couldn’t. I spent a lot of time praying – eventually for more than “please, Lord, let me up from this couch!”
  • I can live without coffee! In fact, I had a cup yesterday for the first time… all I can say is… it was ok, but I can’t remember what all the fuss was about. Give me time, I’m sure I’ll get back in the swing… or maybe not. [shrug]
  • I’m appreciated! My hubby and my dad were really made pretty mushy about my being so sick… it was nice to know their caring in a practical way, since that’s normally my role (to take care of people). And, one of the ministry items I missed was our annual ‘youth’ sunday… my “show” so-to-speak. Normally, I take some time and thank all my volunteers and intercessors… but I wasn’t there. So, my pastor said some nice things about me (which is all my hubby and kids told me), and I got a standing ovation from the congregation. It would have been better to be there, I think, than to get a standing o – but the unseen-by-me ovation seemed to really do my hubby good… I’ll take that any day; my ministry is often hard on him too.

Boy, am I hard-headed. This isn’t the first time that God has been forced to use physical illness to get my undivded attention (stories for another day). I hope it’s the last… but I wouldn’t count on it!

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