The more they stay the same.
Last week brought more changes in the epic drama that is our family life. I don’t think I’ll mark them as either good or bad, as they don’t net any real difference. But, they are changes.
The new symptoms for Tim are just as baffling as the old, and the old have not ended only been joined by the new. We’ve been at this pursuit of answers for him for more than a year now with only a little progress in affecting the various symptoms. Don’t get me wrong, affecting the symptoms is a good thing, but knowing the cause and finding a real treatment would be a better outcome for him, for us, as we look toward his future. There are so many questions and so few answers for him, and it makes this mother’s heart ache that it’s not possible to help much. I’m present, and that’s important for our family, but beyond that there really isn’t a whole lot I can do. If I could, I would. For now, we await results of the latest tests and hope that an answer – in healing, in diagnosis/treatment – is forthcoming in whatever form God wills.
Also last week I gave up my position on a committee I’d served for a little over 5 years. I sensed quite clearly that I needed to cede that spot to people with more energy for the fight, that my season of service was finished there and my piece had been spoken. There were/are some ancillary reasons, but they had more to do with timing for me… suffice it to say that for my own spiritual health I needed to step away from the political/theological machinations, and that it has nothing to do with the leadership or the membership or the various and sundry work of the committee. I have to believe that the Lord is pulling me back from that front for a reason, for a season perhaps, even though I don’t know that reason entirely. I will take that time for prayer, reflection, study, and focus on my family.
169 Let my cry come before you, O Lord;
give me understanding according to your word!
170 Let my plea come before you;
deliver me according to your word.
171 My lips will pour forth praise,
for you teach me your statutes.
172 My tongue will sing of your word,
for all your commandments are right.
173 Let your hand be ready to help me,
for I have chosen your precepts.
174 I long for your salvation, O Lord,
and your law is my delight.
175 Let my soul live and praise you,
and let your rules help me.
176 I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant,
for I do not forget your commandments.
From Psalm 119 [ESV], a portion of today’s lectionary readings. A fitting prayer in response to my thoughts this morning.