We tried

We tried to attend church together this morning. I know that for some folks that’s not such a remarkable achievement, but it is for us. Tom’s work schedule deals him rotating days off and that means he gets a few Sundays in a row, then none for a while. Today he has to be in New Jersey by 4 pm for a course he’s taking for his Air Force Reserves requirements, so he was free to go to church with us.

Part 2 of this is Tim always wants to go to church, to see his friends, to worship and be part of the community there, but doesn’t always feel well enough to get to church. And, because he can’t be left alone in the house because of the health issues he faces, that sometimes means can’t get there. We’re in this thing together. When we do get to church we’ve had varying degrees of ability to get through the service. Today was that kind of day.

The service started about 10:20, we were there for the opening prayer, the first few worship songs and the Old Testament reading from Ecclesiastes. All of that time, I held Tim – singing to God and praying for this time of trial to end -as he shook in semi-consciousness. When he came out of it he said, “I don’t want to leave, but I think we should.” We were home by 11:15… so, we were there for maybe 25 minutes. No teaching, no communion, no healing prayers, almost no personal interaction with anyone save a few brief conversations on the way in (and one much-needed hug, thanks Jer).

We were all sad, and Tim was angry and discouraged, on the way home. We miss community. I have this perception, which I fully admit could be wrong, that people don’t expect us to be there anymore. Brad, our pastor, smiled broadly as we came in saying “Glad you’re here, we’ll take you when we can get you!” I know he meant it in a loving, no extra pressure way. Sometimes, though, it’s important to be missed when you’re not there, not only welcomed when you are. Our church is really a warm, loving place, and God is still working on all of us and teaching us how to be his people and to do his will. I don’t want to seem like I’m putting the church down, I’m not at all. In fact, I want to see (and be part of) building it up. This family feels detached from that right now, though.

Is it worth the effort to keep trying to get there? My head says yes. My heart hurts that when we aren’t there or we leave early (and it’s clear why) that we feel so “apart.”

One of the songs for worship this morning reminded me that it’s not so much what we do (though our choices are important) as why we do it. I’m going to rest in my hope that by persevering in hope that God is at work through this time of trial, even as we continue to petition to be saved from it. Here’s that song, in case you need that reminder too.

The video of When it’s all been said and done by Don Moen was not working properly anymore here or at the YouTube site itself. I consider it spiritual warfare, so I’m adding the lyrics below. :)

When it’s all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?

When it’s all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I have done
For love’s rewards
Will stand the test of time

Lord, your mercy is so great
That you look beyond our weakness
That you found purest gold in miry clay
Turning sinners into saints

I will always sing your praise
Here on earth and in heaven after
For you’ve joined me at my true home
When it’s all been said and done
You’re my life when life is gone…

No Responses to “We tried”

  1. Torre
    August 6, 2007 at 8:44 pm #

    Thank you for the video “When its all been said and done”. It really touched me. You are all in our prayers.

  2. Patti Gibbons
    August 6, 2007 at 11:38 pm #

    Sadly, something is wrong with that video at the source (youtube) and it was not playing anymore. In addition, it was wrecking havoc with the blog layout.

    I’ll try again later on. I love the song, and it fits what was on my heart.

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